I Want

I want you to know

That I don’t have it all figured out

I don’t even have me figured out

And I’m mostly ok with that


Because it’s a journey,

And I’ve finally stopped asking

For it to be easier 

I’ve grown from the fire,

I’m not backing down


I want you to know

That I’m more than where I’ve been

And what I’m diagnosed with,

I’m more than a body that’s out of fashion

And a chipped front tooth,

I’m more than a bloody car

That seems determined to fall apart

Around me

And a bank account that’s beyond

“Limited”


I’m colorful in ways that defy logic

And think in ways that defy it, too

My dreams are both strong

And shifting

Because I’ve learned 

Strength and flexibility 

Will weather most storms


I laugh hard – and embarrassingly loudly

I hate to cry, but I’m working

To let that go

I savor life, art, joy, beauty

And when it’s not apparent,

I search it out


I have a network of scars

Stretch marks – both real & imagined,

They’re badges of honor, baby,

I’ve made it thus far


My family is one

Both “natural” and constructed,

I’m gathering my Tribe

They’re a varied lot

We’re joined by our heartstrings 

Our lives’ imperfections,

Conquering fears –

Even if just admitting them and 

Soldiering on


I’m more than I seem,

Maybe more than you can handle,

And that’s ok, babe

I’ll survive you

If it gets too much

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