So many words

Sometimes it feels like there’s just too damn much to write about…

First, it’s autumn, the days are short, and the darkness can be suffocating. I’m either wanting to hibernate, or trying to run a manic streak to get stuff DONE! And if you tell me how many days left to Christmas, I may throat punch you – I’m painting like a fiend and my hands are so chapped from washing/being wet that I literally had a dryer sheet “catch” on my palm today. Grrrr….

It’s also the holiday season, which means not only am I hearing about all the shiny, fancy things on sale that I can’t afford to buy for me or others, all the diets and weight loss plans everyone has to get into so they can wear all the shiny shimmery fripperies, seeing all the shiny happy people in their shiny happy photos with their shiny happy teeth (I’m a little obsessed with smiles right now as I technically have dental insurance, but it appears it won’t cover cavities, root canal infections, or my broken front crown – I’m trying to learn to smirk rather than smile)… and being single & childless in the holidays taxes one’s confidence. #Illseeyouinthenewyear

I’ve been hearing about teen girls struggling – and I’m open about my struggles, so I’m totally ok about talking to them, but sometimes I wonder at my own authenticity. I was told how intelligent and together I obviously am – it must be easier for me. Ummm nope – nope. My journey is mine and therefore different from yours, but no easier. I always assumed pretty, slender girls had life inherently easier – I’ll admit it’s an assumption I’ve carried until fairly recently (as I’m 45). Over the last 2-3 years I’ve met women who’ve grappled with eating disorders, relationship abuse, depression, body dysmorphia, anxiety, sick children, family dysfunction, bereavement, and more – looking the way “media” says is “desirable” doesn’t alleviate any of life’s nasty curveballs.

But also, we don’t need to be raising our girls and boys to think their bodies – (1) are the measure of their worth (thanks Kelly Lynn), (2) determine who they are inside (thanks Pam H. & Jena), (3) … I can’t keep on this track – we’ll go there another day.

I’ve been trying to embrace moments of gratitude, but damn I’m also so happy that Isabelle Faith Abbott gave her followers “permission” to be ungrateful. Yep – to allow ourselves/myself to say “F- this. I am NOT grateful for this.” It helps to be real, to be authentic, because then my moments of thankfulness are all the more poignant.

So I apologize for the randomness. I need to start writing down my thoughts to hold them for later.

Maybe next year…

Most of the images are from a company called I’ve given several hysterical calendars to friends and family members. 🖤


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