Without Warning

Somehow, I do not know how,

it came into me, uninvited, unwelcome,

alien invader rotting my brain, seizing my soul

Telling me always that I was

a loathsome burden

Until I believed it

with every breath,

and every wakening

was somehow excruciating in that it was not the end

 

Every missed day of work,

missed deadline or assignment,

forgotten email or paper to grade,

was ammunition

No failure too small or insignificant

to be laid at my feet or splashed across my chest

as bright red warning to all around me that

I was worthless, tainted, scourge

 

I so thoroughly believed it

that I attempted to hasten from this life to the next,

even as I was unsure of there being a next or

whether or not I’d be welcomed into it –

pills, alcohol, chances… I hoped that Fate would

push me over the edge and away from

my constant awareness of the wrongness of Me

 

Then, seemingly without warning, yet truly over time,

I was here – I am me – and though the demon sometimes calls

and sometimes we wrestle quite ferociously,

he is not me

is not my judge and jury

has not nailed shut my coffin as once he tried…

 

I am now alive –

Without warning, I am

born again in the town of my youth, my origin

four and a half decades past

in the middle of an epic flood

 

This flood now one of

Truth, Sight, and Creation – it comes from me

 

***These are pictures of my actual hometown, Elmira, NY during the Hurricane Agnes flood from June, 1972.  I did not take these photos.

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4 thoughts on “Without Warning

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