Book of Secrets

In the Book of SecretsI want to say
That it’s magical

And filled with 

Fairy dust

Childhood dreams

Flying girls

And books falling open and you falling in

But in reality 

Most secrets

Those real ones

Are hard

And bitter

And full of acrid shame

That bows your head

And churns in your belly

Until you’re crying all alone

And afraid to speak

So the onliest thing

I can think to do

Is to cough up those choking stones of shame

Those rough marbles taking up

Too much space in my gullet

They hurt coming up,

But once I start

I feel a little lighter

And can breathe a little deeper,

So I continue on

I let the sunshine of telling 

Rest upon those stones

And they start to zizzle and zzzzzzt

Their hard jagged edges start

To crumble and flake

Get picked up by the wind

And fly away in eddies 

Of spring cleaning 

I realize I am no longer on my 

Crucifix

And no one else crucified me

Nor tied a millstone to my neck

So my head begins to lift

And my belly starts to ease

The Book of Secrets

Starts to shudder with all

Of the light and air

And openness

And it bursts into flames

Burning itself out

Into smudgy cinders

And I sweep it into the garden

To fertilize the flowers

Then walk away

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