Points of Light

What I most wantedWhen I was feeling suicidal 

was someone to say
No, you may 

Not cease

Being
you 

matter,
You belong to me,
You’re s part of my tribe
I care about you

My life would be less

Without you
I-we- need you 

living
And I – we will ride out the darkness and the storms with you
And even in the very

Darkest places

When I felt

Pain and emptiness

That tore my nerve endings

To shreds

Leaving me

Heaving with body-wracking

Sobs in bed

Or on the bathroom floor
Even those times

I scooped up

Handful after handful 

Of pills

Gagging as I tried to

Swallow them down
Even as I thought 

Longingly of sharp

Bladed knives

Car accidents

Steep hills
Even as I believed

That I could not stand one more minute,

Believed my family would be 

Better off because 

I was such a burden,

I was such a failure,

I would never be

“Right…”
Something inside of me

That I would not acknowledge 

Was there

Did not want to die
Because I always found a way

To pray

Or ask for help

Or help myself 
It was on Christmas Eve

As I contemplated God

And familiar places

And my future 

That I realized 

I have been blessed to have

Never been

Fully alone
And now,

To have created

Cadres of community –

Friends near & far,

Close and casual,

Family,

Students & their families,

Writers,

Artists,

Activists…
I am blessed 

For, though the darkness exists 

And will return,

I can now see

And attest

To the points of light

Throughout

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