Faded Photograph

The pictures are faded,
But they seem to show a time when,

It wasn’t hard to love me…

 

But somewhere along the way I became

Too much

Too emotional
Too dramatic
Too too too…
And God forbid I make anyone uncomfortable
Better, in fact, if I should
Be shamed
By look (the affronted eyebrow),
By scold (the pursed and downturned lips),
By sarcasm (sharper than the deadliest knives),
Disappointed silence the worst.

I’m beginning to see this little girl
As not flawed, but
Sensitive and desperate for a little
Affection, kindness,
Hold her hand, hear her dreams, give her a hug…

And now, that sensitivity,
While sometimes a curse,
When the darkness tries to swallow me whole
And I find myself driving in the dark
Crying over a song that croons,
“Don’t give up, you still have…”
And I’m sizing up skeletal trees
For impact potential
For real and true Endings…

That sensitivity
Allows me quick connection with
Children, teens, animals –
Who are more real and wild
Than most tamed mature adults

It allows me painting and poetry
And amazing oddball connections
That happen with
Startling regularity

Little girl,
I’ll hold you,
I hold you in my heart and will
Try to heal you
So that someday
You will find love
And a man who loves
Sensitivity in crazy creative creatures
Like only you

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4 thoughts on “Faded Photograph

  1. Little girl,
    I’ll hold you,
    I hold you in my heart

    Therein lie the keys to all that you are Jen – and all that you perceive as “are not” – but the truth is, you are perfect just as you are – what you or others see and believe as “flaws” are nothing less than the unpolished bits of a gem, that at its core – is real and impossibly (in the best of ways) infinitely beautiful – and this is exactly as it is – and should be – the you who is you – just as you are – hold onto the pain – and learn to love it too – I know, that’s the hard bit – but learning to love it – not get sucked and smothered by it – means it’s your friend – and like all really good and honest friends – it will be real with you when needed – and offer you the light that allows the healed and more shiny facets to glitter like a million stars.

    Great and sensitive writing Jen. Hugs to you ❤ ❤ ❤
    Pat

      1. well Jen, that was just my understanding of things …. kind of like “invite your demons and devils to sit with you – and listen to what they say” – doesn’t mean you have to accept it – but have you noticed, that the more you refuse them entry, the more you deny the pain they offer, the louder and more persistent and demanding they become? some days are harder than others, of course, and sometimes we can put them off in order to get on with things in life, but you know, the truths we need to hear, to truly learn and understand ourselves, will eventually, out themselves. Hugs to you Jen ❤ ❤ ❤ …. just remember, we're all works in progress and even in the hardest moments, we're not alone – we're all in this together.
        Pat

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