I have been digging

Through ages of


I piled

Onto my Self

I was certainly aided 

By my dear old aunties and grandmother 

Who lovingly told me

From a young age

I should be quieter


More like my sister

Less like my Self
Then, year after year,



I tried sex

Changing myself

Hiding my brains

Pretending I was happier with him or

Him or … 

Anything was better than alone

Because I hated



Somehow, this year,

The sun has started to

Filter through the cracks
My laugh is booming again
I am breathing my life in

And filling my Self with

Joy and gratitude 

Honesty and reality

No, REAL reality this time, not that warped shit

I’d convinced myself was true
I am beautiful and special

I’m sexy and curvy

I’m fucking smart and talented 

I’m a good friend, 

A part of my community,

I’m flawed, but I’m always looking to grow,

I refuse to let fear rule my life

And I am going to get to where

I look at that sexy smart man

Who is as appealing to me

As a gigantic Reese’s cup sundae with

Gooey peanut butter and fudge,

Piled high with whipped cream…

And I am going to flirt
Mm hmm

Big sexy sassy Self

From the soul on out


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